Dad's cry too

I became a dad. Weird. I look at my son and cry. I have been a dad for 3 weeks. Crying at this time is kinda lame I know. Crossing lines I never really thought about. More later on that. Already things have changed. The basic sleeping. I have been tolded that I don't know what I am getting into. I know that. I know I don't have any idea what I am doing. I know the is more than I have. I know, I know, I know,. My life changed. I choose this road not out of naive, or whim but out of love for my son. I will have to be more than I am. More than I have , more than I can give. I look at my son and cry. Hope to hear him say someday "my daddy was my best friend."

Mask

I wear a mask. Every time I take it off my friends leave me. Loneliness. It comes down to being lonely or lies. Take the mask off nobody wants to be around me. Leave the mask on and I have to lie to keep people around. I am so desperate for closeness that I have to choose. Mask on or off. Lie or real. Mask getting heavy, lies getting to empty. Crying. Do I let you see me or maybe find a lighter mask. Have to kill the closeness. Drugs cost to much, sex to hallow, truth to painful. Now what? Tears fill my eyes. Happiness not real. Joy everlasting where? No comfort. Why? Pain hurts inside. Hold me but don't look at me. Feel me but don't touch. See but don't look. Hear but don't listen. Death. Time coming soon.